Today so many people are negatively affected by stress so it is wise to assess our stress levels and choose to create more balance in our lives. Chronic stress is an epidemic in our country and can cause emotional, psychological and physical health problems. Reducing stress is good for you. It is also important that you model self-care behaviors for your kids and teach them that they have internal resources for emotional management as they develop and mature. Instead of reacting to stress we want to be creative with it. Start by paying attention to your stress symptoms.

So what are those signs and symptoms that let you know that you are stressed? Some of the common physical symptoms of stress are: muscle tension, hypertension, tightness in the chest, headaches, upset stomach, sleep problems, a change in appetite. Some common feelings of stress are: anxiousness, heart palpitations, low frustration tolerance, anger, irritability, and tiredness. Next, what are your specific stress triggers? For example, some one cutting you off while driving to work, your kids fighting at the dinner table, can't find your keys, unrealistic expectations of yourself, dead lines at work, your mate asking you to do "one more thing." Once you have good idea of what those signs and symptoms are use them as signals to stop, evaluate your options and select choices that benefit you and those in your life rather than just exacerbate your stress. Eventually you will get good at recognizing your stress triggers before they buildup and create problems.

Since our lives have become busier and busier many find it difficult to take time out to de-stress. However creating a healthy, balanced life does not require that you go to the gym everyday or attend a yoga retreat for a week. And remember taking even five or 10 minutes to take care of yourself will help add to your emotional bank account so that you will actually have more to give to others in the long run. Here are 7 simple ways for you to create more balance and joy in your life while de-stressing!

1. Live in the Moment- This may sound like a clichŽ but dividing your attention can cause internal stress. When you are thinking about paying your bills while you are shopping in the supermarket, your body is doing one thing, while your mind is engaged in something else. This creates muscle tension and disharmony within. The act of mindfulness or living consciously brings us back to the present moment. In reality, this moment is all we have. When we are constantly living in the past or future we are never HERE and being here is where your life is. Set an intention to practice being in the moment while eating, cooking, driving your car, walking, being with your children or mate, doing the dishes or other house hold chores. Take a moment to notice your surroundings with all of your senses. Take in the smells, the sounds, the sights, the tastes, how your body feels. Pay attention to all the little details that usually go by unnoticed. This practice will make a huge difference in your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
2. Breathe! If we hold our breath or breathe shallowly we actually deplete our body of essential oxygen, nutrients and energy and increase our stress levels. Integrating deep breathing or belly breathing into your life can help you shift negative emotions, thoughts and behaviors, boost your energy, decrease muscle tension and give you mental clarity. A powerful breath that I teach my clients is breathing into the abdomen to a number that feels comfortable to them like four and then exhaling out twice as long, to eight. As you inhale imagine you are breathing in oxygen, nutrients, and relaxation into the cells of your body. As you exhale imagine letting go of any stress, fatigue, worry, or anything that does not serve you. Tell yourself in a gentle way, "Relax" or "Breathe." Try placing reminders on post-its to breathe deeply by your computer, your bathroom mirror, by the kitchen sink, or on the dashboard of your car.
3. The Four Magic Questions- Stress is not caused by the event itself but rather your perception or reaction to the event. You have a choice in how you react. Investigating your thinking process can go a long way in reducing your stress. When you feel your blood pressure rising or panic setting in, stop and ask yourself the four magic questions:
   1. What thought am I thinking right now and is this thought contributing to my stress? Most likely YES! Thoughts that are black and white such as "I never do it right" or "He is always late" create anxiety and frustration. Let these thoughts go.
   2. Where does this thought or idea come from? Is this a familiar thought? Who did you get this idea from? Does it serve you today? Is there another thought or belief that is more appropriate for you now?
   3. Is this thought absolutely true? NO! The guy who cut you off is probably not out to get you. Check out how you have been repeating this stressful thought to yourself as if it is a fact.
   4. What is a better feeling thought that you could think right now? Choose a thought that is true, accurate and positive. If you have to be general to make it positive that is fine. Write it down. Repeat it to yourself. Remind yourself of this new thought when you start thinking those old stress provoking thoughts again.
4. Clarify Your Life Goals- Take some time to get clear on what is really important to you in your life and write it down. One of your goals may be to raise healthy and happy children. If you keep this goal in the forefront of your mind and you look at your To-Do list for the day or week, check and see if the items on your list will help you reach this and your other life goals. We busy ourselves with activities and errands that really are not necessary in helping us reach what is really important to us. When you are clear about what is valuable to you, it will also be easier to say "NO" to those situations that you couldn't before. Adding "No" to your vocabulary is another direct way to reduce your stress levels.
5. Stop Yelling! - Yelling increases your stress levels and creates a tense and unsafe home environment. Whatever you are shouting, the underlying message you are giving your mate or child is that you don't respect them enough to speak in a respectful manner. Shouting damages relationships and harms a child's self-esteem. Furthermore research shows that yelling does not help kids behave and actually teaches them that shouting is the way to communicate. Pay attention to your patterns: what type of situations do you find yourself losing your temper? Usually you will notice it is when you are tired, in a hurry, or doing multiple things at once. So the above de-stressors will come in handy. Also try giving yourself a 30 second time out before reacting to your spouse or child (this is a good opportunity to BREATHE!).
6. Date Night- Choose a night once a week or every two weeks that you and your spouse/ partner go out together without the kids. If you are a single parent then take time to go out with friends or out on a date. If this means get a babysitter or ask a family member or friend to help out, then to do it. For couples, your relationship is the foundation of the family so it is essential to maintain intimacy and communication between you. Take turns planning your night out and be romantic! If you cannot get out of the house for some reason, give each other a twenty-minute massage, read to each other, or just talk. It is amazing how this time together can nourish the heart and soul and decrease stress!
7. What are your PPT?- In our busy routines we forget or just don't make the time to utilize the People, Places and Things in our lives that bring us joy or support us in some way. Remember you have many internal and external resources at your fingertips. Make a list of these supportive resources. For example you may have many friends but maybe only one or two good friends that you can bare your soul to. Call those friends and limit the interactions and conversations with the people that drain your energy or add tension to your day. Studies show that women decrease health risks by talking with their girlfriends regularly. Now think about the places that you enjoy. Maybe the local park, neighborhood coffee shop, a great hiking trail, church, the produce section at the supermarket, a cozy chair with a cup of tea in your bedroom might be your version of that special place that calms and soothes your mind, body and soul. Look for places that will make you feel good and will give your body the benefit of those good, happy hormones rather than the stress kind. So what about the simple things in your life that give you pleasure and help you de-stress? Date night, playing with the kids without worrying about doing other things, going on a bike ride, petting the cat, a drive with your favorite music on, lighting a candle, reading a good book, deep breathing, talking with a friend, getting a pedicure, a funny television show, going for a walk, taking a yoga class, saying a prayer or mantra, taking a 30 second time out. Make a commitment to make a list of your own resources, place that list where you will see it and use two of these resources this week and increase the number weekly.

Amanda Wallace LPC, C.Ht. has a private practice in Longmont, Colorado where she helps people with a variety of issues including stress and anxiety. Please call her at 303-507-5210 for more information.